SHINE YOUR LIGHT!

This is January 30, 2016...The day that was almost THE END!  Thanks God for a 2nd Chance at Life!  Yellowstone National Park!

Hi wonderful friends and family!  I really want to thank you for joining me on this journey! I also want to thank the ANGELS that God placed in my life at the right time that made the last four months easier.  You know who you are and I am grateful to you!

May 21, 2016

I'm at the gym this morning standing on the treadmill not pushing hard just 4.0 mph no hills, not going to beat myself up.  Gotta take care of myself, but stay alive till THE BIG DAY!  I've gotta make this heart last a while longer.  I look around and think about my last month.  I've had a heart cath, a liver biopsy, a VO2 test, an echo, an X-ray, Biles of blood drawn, a CT, several imaging tests done on my heart and my liver, doing a stool card,  I have GOT to tell you that was the worst of all the tests in my opinion!!  They ALMOST told me I had to do it again because "THEY LOST IT"  Are you kidding me?!  How do you loose stool cards?  I almost said Nope!  Not going to happen!!" Luckily, they found it, a TB test, talked to a nutritionist, sociologist, several nurses and docs, signed consent forms on a procedure that is going to change my life, working my full time job trying to be a mom and a wife and not miss anything in between. Always trying my best to make sure nobody knows what is going on in my life (NOTHING GOING ON HERE, CARRY ON!)  I then wonder does anyone know what I've done this last month?  Would anyone in this gym know I am on a heart transplant list?  WOuld any of my friends or relatives know?

Then I think hell, do I know what is going on in other people?  Do I know what they have been through in the last month?  Do I really know what goes on behind closed doors and inside their head?  We all have a story!  We don't wear a sign on our forehead that says, THIS IS MY STORY!  Would there be more empathy and sympathy towards one another? Or would anyone act different at all?  I've always wanted my super power to be to read people's minds, but I don't think I could do it without having the power to heal the pain of those whose mind I read. We all have struggles we all work to keep going. I praise God for his faithfulness, I praise God for always knowing what I'm going through and what every one of us is going through even if nobody else does.  I praise God for calming my fears, my nerves and easing my weaknesses.

More to come next time!  Thank you again for joining me on my journey! May God work through YOU!  Shine your light! Be the light in someone else's life!  

The weekend is almost here, remember to always tell those you love how much you LOVE THEM, take the time to take care of yourself instead of "being busy"  ENJOY the moment!

Love you all!

FAITH, HOPE and LOVE!

Claire

2016 Time for a new chapter and a 2nd chance!

Late night, I had some time to write tonight so I am writing.  It's time that I start talking about what brought me to this point of heart transplant!  Here I share with you some of my journal entries about my thoughts, my fears of this year!  This picture above is my co-worker and I on the night of April 4th doing the Zip-line!  Could not resist sharing!  FUN takes away the craziness!

April 4, 2016

On my way to Vegas for a work trip.  Feeling so many crazy emotions right now and I can't get a real grip.  I have a new boss and he seems super nice and wants to learn and know everything.  He is willing to listen and possibly change the way things are done.  I'm excited, but almost apprehensive about change.   Time will tell how this will go, but I'm going to stick with it and see how it all works out.   My conflict is that old boss was my friend and I feel like by changing things that he started would be hurting him in some way.  I have known for some time he was going to leave and hasn't been happy, so it's not a surprise.  Anyway,  I have the good angel and the bad angel in a little conflict.  At the end of the day, I think it's a good thing old boss is back where his family is and he is where he loves. Wishing him the best of luck!  Just want him to find his happy place.  New chapters this year.

Last week, I went to my heart doc.  The nurse practitioner had me meet with a doctor I had not met before at the clinic.  I think she saw or it seemed like I wasn't doing well. Unfortunately my blood work didn't make them all think it was all good.  My liver is full of fluid too.  This means my heart is not pumping out fluid as fast as it should.  So, I've stopped my huge water intake, I've re-started the treadmill since I have to take a VO2 test April 21st.  At that minute, I thought, what a punk the first time I met him!  Who asks someone with heart failure if they know what eventually happens to patients with my condition!!!  For the love of God!! (I thought in my head) I said they either get a heart transplant or they die. DUH!  But did he need me to tell him that?!? I am freaking almost 45 years old!  I liked my retired doctor!  He would say "We want you to keep this heart till your 80!!"  Yes!  That's what I freaking want!!  NO, I don't want someone to die so I can live with their freaking heart!! NO, I don't want my son, husband and mom to have to deal with this shit!! No, I don't want to take all sorts of drugs so I don't reject his new heart!  I'm happy with modern technology as an option, yes, but I don't want to make my loved ones have to go through any of this!! Ugh!!  I can't even be mad and ask God why I was made this way, because I already know he has a plan for everything!  I know he made me perfect for the job he has for me here on this earth!  All I can do is have faith that he is going to give the people around me the strength and endurance to trust his plan!  I know he will give it to me and I know I shouldn't be afraid! I sure as hell don't want my 12 year old boy to have to live through something like this nor do I want him not to have his mom.

Wednesday and I'm on my flight back home.  So many great things learned, but so overwhelmed with so much to do!!  I care about the well being of my people at work. and I know new home sales is what I'm great at and I know leading this team is an awesome opportunity to change lives, but, the question is if my time with my family is impacted by any news on the 21st, I want to spend my time while I'm healthy and strong making a difference in my son's life.  

I pray this new doctor over-reacted.  I am doing my best to get ready for this stinking test. I just know that at this point, God is truly in control.  Unfortunately, I am a control freak and I want to be in control of everything.  But I also know that some things you just have to let go and let God do his thang!

4.23.2016

It looks like it's time.  My heart is bigger than ever, it's now starting to affect my liver so that's not a good thing.  I had VFib/tack the bad "V" on January 30, 2016 at 3:23am.  Wow!  God is good!!  I was in Yellowstone on snowmobiles!!  If God had not worked his magic, that would have been THE END.  Obviously, God has a plan and I am going to give up all control and let him take over. It's also obvious to me that he has a job for me here that I have not accomplished yet.  He keeps bringing me back to life time after time after time.  So, the challenge for me is to open myself up and let him work through me to make sure I do what he wants me to do.  It's interesting when I finally gave up the control thing, there's a bit more calm about this whole thing.  Now my fear is to qualify to get on the list!  Now I want to make sure I at least can get on the list.  I just have to pray and pray that everything will go according to Gods plan!  The fact that I've been alive for 16 years with my heart with ARVD seems to be quite the miracle.  I'm grateful for the doctors, and more importantly for God for allowing me to be here and enjoy life and have the most amazing son and husband.  I've been very blessed with two incredible human beings that I get to call my family.  After our conversation with the Heart Failure/Heart transplant team and listening to them tell us my condition, we agreed it was time for me to do all the tests to get on the list.  This was the day we had our "small group".  We had a few friends from church at our house and we were talking about people who stay strong through tough situations.  My "ROCK" tonight, spoke up and said "i am just overwhelmed at how strong Claire is and how she keeps her positive outlook on life even though she has been dealing with her heart situation for so long".  He never says things like that, so I know meeting with the doctor that day made him realize that it is a miracle that I am still here and still as active as I am.

I start this day, and this journey with a grateful heart.  I'm grateful that God has a purpose for me and he loves and cares for me enough to work through me.  I'm grateful that I was patient and waited for the man God wanted to be my husband.  My "ROCK" may not be the perfect man, but he is the perfect man for me.  I'm not perfect either.  We are two human beings doing the best we can.  I'm so grateful that God blessed us with the most amazing Miracle.  I could not be more grateful for the opportunity to be his mom.  I'm blessed that God created humans in his image and they are able to create new drugs, technology and keep people alive.  I'm grateful that he will always provide!

4.24.2016

Today starts my day as a good patient.  I have weighed myself and bought a blood pressure machine to I can also take blood pressure every day.  Going forward, my goal is to weigh myself and take blood pleasure every morning and every night.  I am bound and determined to stay healthy & be a good patient until that time comes.

4/27/2016

So I sit here waiting for the rhythm doc and I notice my heart rate is so high and my blood pressure is so low and even though I'm taking all this lasix, my weight is really not going down which is frustrating.  I am now scheduled for next week on Friday to do most of the testing. The heart biopsy, the liver ultra sound meet with nutritionist, meet with social worker etc etc.  I guess I am committed to get going on this journey.  I can't deny I'm a little apprehensive and nervous but this is also the time I put all my faith and trust in the lord!!  He is the only one that knows what's to come ahead and I am confident he will get me through this.  I just want to vent and tell someone how tough it is to go to sneak to the doctor so that nobody knows what's going on!  Seriously!  I can't whine to anyone!  I don't want to bug my "ROCK" and talk about it too much and I don't want to bring anyone else into my craziness, but I really need your strength God to act like nothing is going on when my life is about to make a complete change!!  

May 6,2016

My "Day Off"!! I started at 3:30-4:00am this morning with Lucky (our dog) jumping on the bed.  So, I needed to wake up and get her some Benadryl! There is a storm out there and she is totally Cujo!!  Well, needless to say I got her calmed down, then got myself in bed for an hour.  My cute Miracle Boy woke up early and so we got ready for school.  I have an amazing son!  Went to get started with an echo at 8:30, ultrasound at 10:15, social worker, 11, financial person, nutritionist, then 13 Biles of blood, chest ex ray and met with the surgeon.  I got a 45 minute break, to go pick up Miracle Boy from school and take him home and back to hospital.  

I have so many mixed emotions about this whole day!  I'm grateful God loves me and will provide all we need.  I'm grateful that these doctors are all brilliant physicians.  I'm grateful for my amazing family.  Something scary was brought up today,  I'll have to deal with it probably since it seems I always end up dealing initially at least these things on my own and that's ok.  What if your husband is on a business trip and you get "the call"!  Sheet!  What if?!? We will cross that bridge when it comes.  Knowing "ROCK" and my luck, sadly in situations like this, he seems to be out of town.  But we will deal with that when the time comes.

5/14/2016

It's a beautiful morning this morning in Utah.  Lucky took me for a nice walk, and now I'm sitting on the back deck enjoying a cup of coffee.  I have time to reflect back on the week.  Last week, I only had a couple of doctors appointments and visits.  One of the visits was yesterday with the liver transplant Doctor.  Trying to decide if my liver is bad enough to warrant a heart liver transplant.  I am seriously just FLOORED at all these tests and these discussions.  I am scared shitless that two of my body's biggest organs may need to be replaced.  As I talk to this liver Doctor, he tells me I shouldn't be able to be doing what I'm doing that in sort of superhuman.  If they only look at my charts, my records, the tests, I shouldn't be outand about doing the things that I am!!  Of course I thank GOD for all of that!! 16 years with a huge heart, pushing at all my other organs making them work super hard and get weak too.  My huge heart is pretty damn selfish!  It doesn't like to share!  But I love my heart!!  It's got a lot of mileage on it!  Sadly, I'm going to need to break up with it after 45 years.  Now, I may also have to say goodbye to my liver.  All these tests, all these frightening conversations.  Part of me just wants to cry on someone's shoulder and say "what the freak is going on".  I listen to songs and every one of them has heart in it and I can't help myself to think about my heart.  Last week i climbed up the hill like a hero, now that I know I shouldn't be able to do things like that, I listen to my heavy breathing and I wonder am I really that weak?  The good news is, my liver will get better if I get a new heart and will not be replaced.  THANKS GOD!!

I pray that my family can handle this!  I know "ROCK" heard the doctors words, but I don't think he realizes how this may turn our world upside down or just my world.  I have had more doctor visits in the last month than I have had in the last 5 years and I'm afraid it's not going to stop!!  I'm sneaking from work to go to doctor visits!! Sneaking because I don't want anyone to know how serious this is!  I need to do the right thing!!  So do i tell them so they can prepare? Do I wait till I get a heart??  Ahhhhh!!  God please help me figure out what the right thing to do is.  

I trust God with all my heart and all my soul.  I just hope this is his will and not my will.  If it's his will, everything will be just right.  If it's my will, i have no idea why I'm willing it!!

I want a new heart that has a love for GOD before anything else!  I want my son to be ok through all this chaos.  I want my husband not to wish he had never married me but to love me and be by my side, I hope my mom will not be upset to learn that I knew about this and never said anything.  I am going to need these people more than ever!!

May 19, 2016

I am officially on the heart transplant list today.  "Miracle Boy" found out about the heart transplant his mom needs today.  What an emotional month this has been.  Going from thinking I'm good, maybe a little tired to you're now officially on the transplant list.  I'm grateful for my doctors who can see through my "I'm doing great" to checking and double checking to make sure I really am.  I'm grateful for a wonderful husband who loves me even with the fact that I'm broken.  I'm grateful for my son who is mature enough that he can handle that his mom is going to need surgery for a new heart.  As I walk from one doc appointment to another at the campus, running not to be late I wonder if anyone would ever guess that this is a broken girl who is on a transplant list for a heart?  

Week 1 post transplant

 

Week 2 post transplant

Week 3 post transplant

week 4 post transplant

I have gone from thinking my new doc is a PUNK to knowing he is an angel that God sent and is now my HERO!!
That's enough for today,  a lot of stuff on this blog.  I will post more again soon!  God bless you all!  

Love you!

Claire

Press On! Shock and awe!

Good morning my beautiful friends and family!

I hope you are enjoying this beautiful time of the year!  Regardless of what state, city or country you are in, you are likely experiencing a change of season!  Isn't that what life and relationships are all about?  Seasons change, especially in Utah!  LOL!  You can go from 94 degrees one day to 55 another.  That's the beauty of it all, life is about change, challenges, love, laughter, growth, JOY and everything in between!  I hope you are making the most of all of the seasons!

Today's blog is about the everything in between.  ;)  

In 2005, I was home one Saturday morning, I thought I heard a phone ring, but it wasn't a phone in the house. Most of you know my hearing isn't so awesome.  I found it surprising that with the windows and doors closed, I was hearing the phone of my neighbors ring.  I just went on my way and brushed it off.  That night, we were getting ready for bed and we heard that noise again.  My Rock said what is that noise??  I said I heard it earlier, I couldn't figure out what it is!  A minute later "Rock" pointed at my defibrillator and said "IT'S YOU"  HAHAHAHA!  I said WHAT?  He said I think it's your defibrillator ringing!  It seriously was the funniest ever!  So, we googled Guidant and learned that my "battery" needed to be replaced.  Replacing a battery means taking out the entire device and replacing it with a new one.  While they do that, they test if the device is working so they purposely stop your heart and make sure it works.  Fortunately, it worked :)  It's an outpatient procedure believe it or not.  Modern technology!  My first surgeon did an amazing job with the incision, this second one, not so great!  The scar was a lot larger and not as pretty.  (if there is such a thing)

Shortly after, my ROCK was deployed.  I knew everything was going to be fine at home and with his deployment.  I did however always worry "what if something happened to me when I was alone with My miracle boy."  He was still so young, he would have no idea what to do.  Lucky for me, it wasn't often that thought came in my mind.  Even luckier, it never happened while he was deployed.  Again, denial has been good to me.

If you know anything about the real estate market, or the economy of our nation and perhaps our country in 2007-2008, you know this was not the best of times!!  I had an "episode", it's what I always called my cardiac arrests.  One morning I was in the shower, and felt something wasn't right.  I finished quickly and got out and it was then I had my first "SHOCK"!  They say that a shock is like a horse kicking you in the chest then the pain goes away.  Yes, that is true, but for me it always followed with a cry!  A thought of WHY?  WHY NOW?  Once that cry was over, it was time to move on.  That particular morning was our sales meeting morning.  So, I put my big girl panties on and conducted the sales meeting.  Sometimes I think God keeps me so busy that I don't dwell on anything too long.  The show must go on!  

This kept on happening during this time.  I was fortunate enough that nobody saw, I was able to not have any of my "episodes" in front of My Miracle Boy, My Rock or my Mom!  Or anyone else for that matter.  On all these occasions, my defibrillator didn't shock, my heart just started again.  Finally on a Sunday as we were getting ready for church, I had an "episode", this time however, I fell and ROCK was there with me.  He finally said, time to go to the hospital.  I went to emergency that morning, and as soon as you tell them you just had a cardiac arrest, they look at you quickly!  The common response I ALWAYS got was "You're too young and to healthy to have a cardiac arrest".   I sometimes would explain, and sometimes didn't and this time I said, "yup, that's what I tell my doctors too. They observed and I was released early enough the next morning to once again to conduct sales meeting. "Nothing going on here" :) Luckily, in the emergency room that day, was  a rhythm doc who knew what he was looking for etc.  Thanks to the timing of him being on the floor, he knew we needed to get rid of those extra shocks.  I was soon scheduled to have an ablation.  An ablation is when they ablate the extra electric rhythms causing the extra funky beats.  I was not only experiencing my irregular rhythms, but also I would get some funky rhythms.  I always knew I had great rhythm! LOL 

So, here is another Claire funny for you!  In 2012, I went to visit my rhythm docs because it seemed like it was time again to change batteries, I wanted to make sure we were ready with flex saving etc. :) All the details.  This was in November sometime.  They told me my battery had actually been out since August and it needed to be replaced.  We had a trip to Columbia that December and if I did have the surgery, I wouldn't be able to get in the ocean.  SOOOO, I told them "you know, if God wanted me to be up in heaven already, it would've happened already"  after all he is the one in control.  I delayed the new defibrillator,   So, some think I have too much faith and I make dumb decisions, I say, maybe I am, but I have FAITH and will always TRUST, it's not my time, it's his time.  I scheduled my surgery January 10th of the following year.  This information somehow leaked in my office and for Christmas that year, I got a car battery charger!  Best gift I received that year!  It was too funny!  

At this time, "ROCK" was the only one that had experienced one of my episodes.  a couple of years later, my mom and I were in the WAL-MART parking lot (enough to make anyone have cardiac arrest).  I was putting the cart away and knew something was about to go down.  I turned to get my mom's attention and next thing I know, I was the one that was down on the ground with people around me, including my mom.  I got in my car and drove home and promised my mom I would call my doctors first thing in the morning.  This time, I had to get on new rhythm medication.  This was a medication that needed to be started in the hospital.  My "ROCK" was out of town that week for business.  My Miracle and I were a team alone that week.  So, I talked them into allowing me to come in on Saturday and start it over the weekend.  Of course, so I could conduct my sales meeting on Monday!

LOL!  I am seeing a patterns here, go in on weekends, start Monday morning with Sales Meeting.  This is pretty good after all these years I am realizing this!  I also got the call that would change my life and give me a second chance, the call for my transplant on Saturday morning at 5:00 am!  What a realization.  God's way of allowing me to do what I love to do on week days!  

I am sure I missed a lot of other detail, but I think this is a lot of reading for people like me who don't have the attention span to read a lot of details.

MUSIC to PRESS on Below!  It's songs like this that help me just keep going!

https://youtu.be/j1UPXRRXzUM

I hope you are not bored with this much detail.  I wasn't sure if this was something that would be helpful or just plain too much!  

I hope you have an awesome week!  Enjoy EVERY season.  Even the tough seasons are here for a reason.  Don't fight it, don't pray that it goes away, pray that God will carry you, give you strength, patience and comfort you during the tough season.

Love you all!  Until next time!

Claire

Back to my Roots ;)

My mom, dad, brother and I on our passport picture COMING TO AMERICA!

Happy weekend my friends!  Hope you all had a fabulous week!  Know that you are always at the right place at the right time even-though sometimes, it may not feel like that's the plan.

I was asked by a reader to go back to my roots.  Now, I am not talking about the natural color of my hair, although since I can't color the gray right now, I supposed I am "back to my roots" 50 shades of gray!  LOL!

This blog might explain a little more about my faith.  This post is in no way any type of political agenda.  So, PLEASE don't read politics into this blog/post.  This is just me, sharing my history with you!

I am an Armenian/lebanese who was born in Beirut, Lebanon.  My dad is full Armenian and my mom is half Lebanese and half Armenian.  My great grand parents (both sides) were a generation that fled from Armenia during the Armenian Genocide.  As Christians, their lives were in great danger.  So, as with many Armenians the choices they had either convert, die or start a scary trek out of Armenia.  

I remember my grandfather telling me about losing a sibling who was younger than him during their travels from Armenia to Lebanon.  Many Armenians are now all over the world specifically because of the Armenian Genocide.  Sadly, after all these years, Turkey and our government have not acknowledged it as a Genocide, although Turkey's motive was to cleanse of all the Christians.  

I don't know if you have ever googled Lebanon, but it is an absolutely beautiful country.  You can LITERALLY ski in the mountains and come down and play on the beach on the same day!  It is very metropolitan.  It used to be called the Switzerland of the middle east and would get all of the latest fashion from France.  When I was around 7, I remember going to the bakery to get loaves of bread (Pita of course) and I still smell the yumminess, I would buy a dozen and usually eat 2 or three on the way home.  Maybe that's why I abstain, I have no limits when it comes to yummy warm bread!  YUM! Lebanon is geographically between Syria and Israel.  

My childhood as I remember was pretty care free as a youngster.  My parents lived with my Paternal grandparents and initially, when they were first married and My brother and I were super young, my two uncles who I am now super close to! They would keep us entertained as a baby and toddler. Family was super important. We always gathered with family and friends, had a lot of parties etc. Fun fact for you, in 1971 Ms. Universe was Ms. Lebanon!  Isn't that fun!!  

Anyway, in 1975 there was a Civil war in Lebanon. Until this time the Christians lived in the North and the Shia Muslims in the South and they all got along.  The country was mostly ran by the Maronite Christians.  The PLO and Muslim Lebanese groups formed an alliance and began to fight the Christians, then quickly the Syrian Army and Israel forces joined the way.  (a little history lesson for you).  

My dad was a welder by trade, he would travel to Saudi Arabia and other countries for work.  Once the war broke out, there were many occasions where he needed to go out of the country because there were no groceries for the people in our neighborhoods to eat and he would bring them back and we would sell them on the corner so people had food to eat.  Instead of "snow days" we had "war days" where we wouldn't go to school because there was too much war activity going on.  I remember my younger brother and I being care free, every time we would hear a bullet, we would run a clothes pin to our balcony and put it on so we could count when it was over.  I also remember one day when I went to the back balcony of our apartment to throw away garbage and was skinned in the arm by a bullet.  Just barely touched me. (God Timing).  

I also remember several occasions when my parents were at gun point at check points, one time while my mom and dad were out, fortunately, my mom with her quick Arabic tongue told them to leave them alone and they got out of that situation.  Another time, my dad was alone and he was beat up (fortunately not killed) for not denouncing his Christianity.  I also remember one time being held in traffic when there were tanks and soldiers on top of those tanks with their big guns and I had to use the rest room so bad. My dad with his blue eyes and blond hair somehow found favor in that soldier and they let him move and I was able to use the rest room.  (God has always been faithful).  My mom and us kids lived in a convent in the mountains for a short time as we were trying to get our papers to the U.S.A to be safe and get away from the war.

The final straw came when a bomb hit the middle of the street where our apartment was located.  By this time, 3 of my uncles had moved to Australia and the other two and my grandparents were in the United States (all dad's side).  We were getting our papers ready to leave and move to the U.S. A.  As soon as we got the VISA, my parents left everything behind and we got on a plane to FREEDOM!

We were so excited and nervous!  I was leaving all my friends to a whole new world.  I didn't speak a word of English!  In school we learned Armenian, French, Arabic and the next year I was supposed to learn English.  My mom, dad and brother did not know a word of English.  My dad was carrying all the money we had on his belt, under his shirt.  We somehow thought we were in Utah and we were in Copenhagen. Somehow, my parents figured it out and bought tickets to continue to our final destination where my grandparents, my uncles and cousins would welcome us to Utah.  

Thanks to my uncle helping my parents with coordinating everything, my dad had a job and we had a house to rent etc.  We came right around Halloween and school had started.  We lived near my uncle and my cousins.  One of my cousins, who I consider to be the sister I never had was in my class and was my translator and helped me acclimate to school.  After all, I was from a foreign country and let's admit it at that age I was totally dorky!  My younger brother was on his own, and it was a bit harder to acclimate.  I wish we were all in the same class.  My brother and I were super close both in age and we were BFF's at this time.  I would never accept candy or anything from anyone unless I could give one to my brother.  He might tell you different :)  When I was 2 and he was about 6 months, this big sis wanted to share my apple.  I took a bite and gave it to him.  Needless to say, he didn't have teeth and couldn't chew and he choked.  My mom had to run him to the hospital to have the doc do the Heimlich on him.  Sorry Bro!  I really was trying to share. HAHA!   

I have to admit, when we first moved to Utah and I first started school, a boy in our class said something to me (my cousin was not near to translate) and it didn't look like he was saying something nice, so I punched him in the lip and gave him a bloody lip.  That's when I realized I had to QUICKLY learn English.  WHOOPS!

My dad loved everything about America!  The proudest accomplishment for him was to be a U.S. Citizen.  When my younger brother was born, he wanted to name him Abe Lincoln.  His favorite football team was the New England Patriots ( don't hold that against him :)

My parents did the bravest thing in the world October 1980.  They moved their family away from the life they knew, away from the people they loved, the country they knew and needed to learn a new language and a new way of life. They left EVERYTHING behind to give us kids a better life and for FREEDOM!  I am forever so grateful that they were so brave!  

My mom, dad, "Miracle Boy" and my NENE (nene=grandma)

I know this has been a SUPER long one, but I hope you can see that I come from a history of God loving people who taught me with GOD on your side, ANYTHING is possible!  My nene, and dad would always say before we left the house or did anything. "Meg had khatch hane and Asdvadz hedt ullah"  Which pretty much means, say a prayer and God be with you!

Job 42:2
"I know that You can do all things, And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.

I hope I didn't bore you with my "roots"!!  Remember Faith, Love, Hope!

XOXOXOXO

Claire

BTW- #GOUTES!  DId you watch that game?? wohoooo!

Our Miracle!

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us,who can be against us? Romans 8:31

Oh my dearest friends and family!

The last few days with these blogs have been a little challenging for me!  I am not usually one to be vulnerable and share really personal information about my life!  So, I have been doing some soul searching and really want you all to know the purpose of sharing.  I wanted to share in case there is anyone out there who is going through the same thing or even a similar thing, or perhaps just a rough time in their life.  There is ALWAYS hope! With FAITH, there is always HOPE and with HOPE, there is always LOVE!  I wanted to share my experiences to show how GREAT our God is!  I want you to see God's Grace and his faithfulness!!  After one of my walks today, I looked for a song that made me think of this struggle of being vulnerable but share my experiences and was reminded of one my of favorite singers, Mandissa and this song "What if we were real".  I want to share with you.  I hope you enjoy it!

https://youtu.be/BcLYkUb5Keo

CLICK HERE FOR MUSIC

2002-2003

I was acclimated to the medication by this time, and realized that elevations were going to just KICK MY BUTT!!  It didn't mean I wasn't going to do them, it just meant it would not be easy!  I guess I always have had the case of denial ( no, that's "not just a river in Egypt", as a friend of mine would say) Maybe, denial is what makes me so stubborn to keep going and keep fighting and praying.

At this time, I had a team of doctors.  Luckily the one I saw the most was this amazing doctor.  Not only was she super smart, but she was also beautiful and funny!  I knew if we didn't have a doctor/patient relationship, we would instantly be friends.  I respected, admired and trusted her completely.  I was starting to talk about having a child.  She, knowing me, gave me statistics and all sorts of information that showed why it wasn't a good idea.  

My brother and sister in law were wanting to be parents, and I was so focused on praying that they would soon become parents because I knew they would be the most incredible parents.  Once our family was blessed with my nephew, I was ready to start my conversation and praying.  As I had said before "if God wanted me to conceive a child it would happen, otherwise,  it wasn't going to happen." Here's God's timing again....within about 4 months after my nephew was born, I learned I was pregnant.

My doctors were not too thrilled.  Studies were not favorable to the mother to conceive a child.  There were a lot of discussions that since this was not a good idea, that I should not go forward. Again, my response was, "if God wants me to have this child, I will," I had to take tests to see where my heart pressures were doing, what my ejection fraction was doing and so on.  As we did the tests, my ejection fraction (this is to see how strong your heart is pumping)  had gone from 19 when I was in the hospital to 30 (50-70 is normal) So, for me that was a sign, that this was totally meant to be, and with these results the doctors were on board and I was referred to a "high risk" baby doc.  He was also a fantastic doc.

My nine months were interesting. Isn't that what all mom's-to-be say, right?  The builder I worked for had a cruise for the entire office scheduled. I blame the ship (haha) that I threw up one morning.  That was the only morning-sickness I had.  I was about 5 months along before I told most of my co-workers.  One day, one of the superintendents asked a fellow agent if I was "letting myself go, it looked like I had put on some lbs." HAHA!  That's when I decided I better come clean.  I met a potential home-buyer and when I gave him my business card, he said "wow, I bet your husband wishes you still looked like that".  Of course, I was butt-hurt! You would be too ;)  As soon as they left, I called my husband and said "I look the same now as I did before I was prego, right"?  "The Rock" said "of course" LOL!  He SCORED SOME MAJOR BROWNIE POINTS!  I dropped those home-buyers like a hot potato!  HAHAHA!  I would at times tell my model partner "I am just worried about the baby," if he is moving too little or whatever.  She being wise said to me  "Welcome to the rest of your life worrying about your child".  NO DOUBT!!  LOL!  She was so right!

Being "high risk" does have it's perks!  I got to see my baby often with an echo.  We first called it peanut.  Then when we could find out the sex, we were both there to experience it together.  "The Rock" who LOVES fly fishing said " look he has a fly rod and we laughed and that's when we knew our peanut was a boy.  :).  Honestly, we were just happy that our peanut was healthy. I would pray in the shower EVERY morning like it was my mantra. "Please God, I just want a healthy, happy, smart and strong baby".  Literally every day!! The pregnancy was uneventful, which is what we were hoping for, the delivery on the other hand, was another exciting adventure.

You HAVE to have a sense of humor for this next part.  My dad had to appear in court and my mom and my hubby needed to also attend.  The date was suddenly moved out and in the back of our minds, we all thought "oh no, a little too close to the baby's due date".  As my due date came closer, I had to visit with my doctors weekly.  We were prepared in case the baby was going to come early.  Well, surprise!  Getting ready for bed one night, I noticed I had water coming down my leg.  I quickly called my mom and said "I either pee'd my pants or my water broke mom, what do I do"?  Of course she said well, since you haven't pee'd your pants in over thirty years, I am pretty sure your water broke."  So, I called the hospital to see what we should do?  They told us "since you're not having contractions, just sleep and come in tomorrow during your scheduled appointment time." SLEEP?  Are you freaking kidding me?  We did NOT sleep for one minute!  HAHA!  We packed and realized that next day was the day my mom, dad and hubby would have to appear in court. Life is an adventure with me!  I thought, oh it's ok, I will just drive to the hospital and when you guys are done you can join me.  Of course my mom wouldn't have any of that, she sent my youngest brother to drive me.  As soon as we got to the hospital and several times there-after, my brother would tell a nurse "I am her brother not her husband......I don't want to see anything I shouldn't see".  He was also single at the time, sometimes I wonder if it was because he thought the nurses were cute  ;).  My mom and hubby showed up, my mom had parked in a 1 hour parking and I wasn't ready to go yet, so my awesome hubby went to move her vehicle since we were all going to be there a while. So we thought :) 

Well, shortly after he left to move the car, the baby's heart rate dropped.  I was immediately taken to OR for emergency C-Section.  "The Rock" came back from moving the vehicle and nobody is in the room he left us in and he has heard "Patient Crash"  so he's frantically trying to figure out where I was.  My heart doctors heard "patient crash, OR stat".  Apparently, on the HEART floor, this means someone is dying in labor and delivery it means "emergency C-section".   My doctors were walking towards OR (one of my docs has told me this amazing story several times).  They were talking to one another saying, "we told her she shouldn't do this".  The entire time I was in OR I was PRAYING!!! Again another time that I have never felt closer to God.  I kept on saying if this is your will, I understand, but why would you bring us this far?  I know your plan is for us to have this child, I have felt the calmness the entire time? I had felt his presence the entire time I was pregnant, taking care of all the details.  Finally, the baby was out and was breathing and they showed him to me just before the doctors walked in.  As soon as I saw them, all I would say to them was "DID YOU SEE MY BEAUTIFUL BABY?"  I literally had a grin from EAR TO EAR!  

Sadly, I was on the heart floor and the baby was on the labor and delivery floor in NICU because he was born less than 5lbs.  My AMAZING "Rock" after 24 hours, put his foot down. He made a stink to get us together and sure enough I was re-united with my miracle boy. I made sure I didn't take any pain medication so I could feed him.  I was walking to him which made me heal faster. They let me "rent " a room after the 2 days so I could stay there.  They were finally ready to kick me out because they were getting "full". I was nervous because they hadn't given us the green light for the miracle boy to go home. I KNEW when he got home he was going to thrive!  On that SAME day that I was going to get booted, which was also our wedding anniversary,  we were all released to go home! What an awesome anniversary present!! Talk about God's timing!!  One more thing about big picture, God timing, if I had the transplant when I was first diagnosed, with the auto-immunosupressants, I would not have conceived my miracle boy.  

Ecclesiastes 3:11  He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

This has probably been the most difficult one for me, but also the one that shows that faith, hope and love really do conquer all and Just because I know God is faithful, it doesn't mean things are not going to be challenging, I just have to always trust he has a bigger plan than I can understand.

Faith, Hope and LOVE to you my friends!  I hope you are having an amazing week!  

Love,

Claire